She became my obsession and I began looking for information. I learnedthat she was living in a small room in the only local guesthouse and thather name was Illana. I learned also that she used to spend some timeevery evening in the local pub, which also belonged to the guesthouse. Inspite of my fame I was unsure and it took me about two weeks until Ifinally managed to get courage to address to her. After the first attemptit was not so difficult to begin a conversation and soon thereafter westarted kissing.I cannot explain this feeling with words, there was some sort ofconnection between us. It seemed that a spark jumped out of our mouthsevery time we kissed. As every normal man I wanted to have sex with her15 seconds after we started kissing, but she always said she wanted towait for the right moment. It took one long week until she finally agreedto "practice intercourse", as the monks euphemistically used to say.I called her to go to the garden in which I worked. Her room in. Genuinly nice. Also not me. Me, I’m out of place. Pretty much everywhere. And not many see this, simply because nobody really wants to think someone doesn’t have a place to fit into. Be polite, do not show how tired useless talk makes you, and you’ll find a response close to acceptance. It was, if you must know, at a funeral that this feeling crept up on me. Of my girlfriends stepmother’s cousin. I don’t think even she cared, how could I be expected to? She was expected to be here, and I, not being rude to them, was for some reason believed to like them, and treated as a part of the family – this I did not like, just so we’re clear – and because of that, also expected to attent. I’m weak that way, I’ll even go to a funeral I don’t want to be at to avoid an unpleasant confrontation. So there I was, in a black suit, sitting with a blank expression, hoping people will ignore me, fully aware this was not to be. ‘There you are!’ Why can’t that one just die? It was an aunt, or something.
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